What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
