Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
