So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize