Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
