There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
