Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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