Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
