Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
