just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
