there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
