sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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