yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
