He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
