i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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