JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
