you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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