At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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