I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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