My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
