Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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