That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
