I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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