btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
