The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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