Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
