The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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