We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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