I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
