I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
