No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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