i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
