god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
