but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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