I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
