remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
