Barsexuality is the new black.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
