you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
