yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
