New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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