Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
