Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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