Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
