wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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