Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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