i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
