One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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