Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
