I'm really into asian looking animals
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
