i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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