He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize