Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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