In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So much Jack, so little girl.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
