I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
