just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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