dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
