These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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