He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
