ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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