So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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