The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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