I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
