I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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