Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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