Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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