The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
