there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
