theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize