the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
