Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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