She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She bit a glass in half.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
