Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
