you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
