Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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