I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
