so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize