i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
