so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
