just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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