Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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