This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
