mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
