It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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