then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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