chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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